Time

It's this small thing that everyone seems to not notice...everyone has around a hundred years worth, but some people lose them through their own fault or through the faults of others, or even through God's own doing... I suddenly find time now... as I wait for my downloads to finish in a computer shop in SC... and I wonder what my past few months have been about.

Seriously... is it really worth thinking about.. the few moments that seem to come and go, the limited time we have. It's just too much for one person to worry about, the way I see it. Do we really not have enough of it? Or are we just spending it too much on things we don't appreciate that we forget to use it right? Or maybe we ARE using it right, and we find this material attachment to the world and think that we need more of it.

Feasib deadlines are coming up soon, and I have a hell lot to do in the days to come but nothing to do now. The storms of the last few days gave me a bad flu, but it did give me a break as well. And now that I'm well enough to actually not wear a jacket outdoors, I still have nothing to do because of the damn Holidays and the storms wake. Am I supposed to be happy about this? Maybe my daft concept of responsibility is starting to kick in.. or maybe I'm just worried about my future self having too much to do.

Today, a friend of a friend just lost the rest of his time, on earth at the very least. It's kinda giving me an indirect depression. I cannot be directly depressed by the loss of someone I've never met in my life...but the thought of the sad friend is kinda depressing. Fortunately for me, my emotional limiter is still in, so I can only reach a very shallow level of sadness. Yet still, a part of me wants to be more human, actually... It's kinda sad, how you are incapable of true sadness. If my friend died, can I actually, sincerely be sad?

Today, after messing up my feasib for the nth time and having my organization get in the way for the nth time squared, I got a comment from old pedro. "Ang complicated naman ng life mo." And might I just say that after experiencing some things that a normal person would never have to experience in a lifetime and experiencing the weirdness of coincidences a bit too often, I'd say that I'd have to disagree. My life being complicated is like saying reindeer really exist.