broken faith

The daily slap on the face reality gives me is really starting to sting my heart...how my face got connected to heart is beyond my knowledge... No, seriously... I am really starting to hate this reality... being the least in a class of elites is something I never wanted to be... Somehow, just being the least of anything is very annoying for me and my construed pride... Knowing that you are somewhere beyond your tier, how you just lucky over and over again, how several others just tripped and gave up on their way to the same place that you are in, how you strove so hard just to be beaten up more... This is not the world I wanted, No... I do not want to be the only line of fiver in a room of niners. And right now, I am tired of threading any further, just tired of being pitied by those who are also pitiable... acknowledged as the least... unexpected to surpass... as purposeful as the maintenance crew who spend their times smoking in the fifth floor... and no one truly understands that I hate being useful in ways I do not want to... I did not pass 114 twice just so I can fix a f*cking LCD projector!

I am zero, and it's been hurting so much to be him that it becomes uncomfortable to be happy.

Thank God for bananas! (of all the fruits, why does this have to be the happiness inducing one? It gives way too many unwanted connotations, but it does lighten up the mood... Maybe I should have a banana split... mmm, chocolate, ice cream, and bananas in one...)