the broken god

Today was yet another failed attempt to become more than human... I am but human is too much for me... I hated this humanity... this limit... this curse. The world I have been born into was too undemanding that I've become a slob of a human. And now, I am in this world... this messed up world where everyone is blinded and demands that I be something that I always wanted to become but could never be... complete... perfect...

When I gaze upon people, I feel that they look at me as something pathetic, a failure of a human, a failure of a life form, the excrement of excrements, a simple waste. I always find myself trying to prove humanity wrong by exceeding their expectations, becoming perfect, becoming omnipotent. But same as any who dare take God's throne, I fail.... and in an attempt to reach far beyond the par, I end up miles before it, and I realize I have even failed to be half as competent as I should be... but have I not tried hard enough, have I not given so much that I could at least know that I did my best? No... I want to be the best, what I have done must be the best and anything below par is just another waste, just another proof of my incapacity.

I am a failure... and no matter how I try, no matter what my reason... I can only be a failure. Because I am human, and those other humans can't even look at me as a human. I am nobody, bu a shadow of an existence... but a shred of broken pride... but a smear made by one who wanted perfection...

If I cannot be the cause of the world's smile, I can at least make sure I do not make it cry... If I cannot be loved, I should make sure there is nothing to regret... If hatred upon me can make satisfy the world, then let me be hated... If the world doesn't want my existence, the least I can do is try to be forgotten... for I make the impossible, possible... for I can carry the world upon my back... for I am immortal... but I am tired