conspiracies of universality

Today's general feeling....annoyed...for no apparent reason...probably something subconscious...damn you Freud! It was interesting, though, how everyone drives me out of annoyance whenever I am and drives me into whenever I'm not... *sigh* It must be a conspiracy of this damned world to keep me confused...keep me uncertain...otherwise I might acquire enough confidence to build a new world or destroy this one... Vincent must be contained...

I also heard a song with some disturbing lyrics...I think it's saying "Vincent will die" or maybe it's just my imagination... Oh well...

A girl disturbed me today after saying "I love you" and "Vincent, my love" and "Ang nice mo kasi" a bit too often... I appreciate the little joke since it makes me feel needed (which after a lot of careful self-reflection is my goal in life, to prove that I am needed) but I guess I really am not into being into lovelove relationships right now... Funny, I am nice with the intention of making people like me, but when they do start liking me, I feel awkward and no longer know how to react.

Also, my realization of the inevitability of fates (a product of staring into nothingness for an extended period of time (yes, chances are, you'd think of something useful and remember it when you stare into nothingness's void a bit too often) has made me the ultimate universal antagonist who can side with anyone but would usually side for the other party, making me a cause of more than a few arguments involving stuff related to "not his fault"... It's a funny thing, Forces acting on masses produce acceleration, Accelerating masses yield Forces, Masses are altered when a force acts on it's acceleration (I think)... and with these three (two if I don't count the last one) I came with the conclusion that the world involves no blame on anyone, and worse, no choices... we act based on who we are, what we experienced, and what we are experiencing. And the causes of the causes are yet the same chain, and tracing it upward we come into a stop only when you reach the point that God made light before anything else (in theory)...and tracing it down, we end up finding out that we are experiencing and will experience events based on the series of causalities that everyone else went through... We just go through a series of binary decisions based on thresholds that states that if x is greater than y perform 1, otherwise perform 0. And yet after all that we are still fooled to think that "I made a wrong decision" when in reality, it wasn't you who decided anything. *diabolic laughter* such conceited foolishness...

So who are we supposed to blame? Are we supposed to get mad at anyone? Really, when you think about it, you can't even blame God for anything that you experience... If you would remember, you are but an insignificant speck in the infinite see of masses... in reality, you aren't even a pixel in a 1024x768 screen. You aren't worth God's time to make miserable, and when the going gets too tough for humanity, God does intervene (I think).

Summing things up, realize that you are helpless and insignificant. If you die, only the organisms within your system would grieve, and those who grieve would eventually die, then you'd be forgotten. Then you start thinking that you'd leave your mark and be remembered, but if you did leave your mark, you'd only be remembered for at most another millennium, but what are millennia compared to the endlessness of infinity, in time, space, reality, we aren't even fractions... and ultimately, you are too insignificant to blame anyone...too insignificant to be cared for...too insignificant to even blame yourself for anything.

Then we smile. :) Theories aren't worth pondering about anyway.

LIFE IS NOT WORTH TAKING SERIOUSLY