blog things

blog hopping to avoid reviewing. i found the following by clicking zel's blog (hi zel)

Your Birthdate: May 28

You don't just believe in love at first site - you've experienced it. You develop crushes pretty easily, but keeping your interest is another matter! You are very prone to love - hate relationships. Number of True Loves You'll Have: 1 Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 6 You are most compatible with people born on the 1st, 10th, 19th, and 28th of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are balanced, peaceful, and sincere. You're the type of person who goes along to get along. And you're definitely afraid of rocking the boat. Underneath it all, you fear your world falling apart. You'll put up with a situation that you don't like in fear of changing it. Disruptive and forceful people intimidate you - and sometimes exploit you.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

they are almost believable, right? :)

then i looked for a few others

Your Personality is Somewhat Rare (ISTP)

Your personality type is reserved, methodical, spirited, and intense. Only about 6% of all people have your personality, including 3% of all women and 8% of all men You are Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

Your Life Is Worth...

$912,500

How Much Is Your Life Worth?

Your EQ is 93

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick! 51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese. 71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. 91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that. 111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt. 131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin. 150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

Your Chances of Being a Multimillionaire: 32%

It's not likely you'll become a multimillionaire, though could happen. You sometimes save money and work hard - but you don't like to do it!

Will You Be a Multimillionaire?

You Are a Seeker Soul

You are on a quest for knowledge and life challenges. You love to be curious and ask a ton of questions. Since you know so much, you make for an interesting conversationalist. Mentally alert, you can outwit almost anyone (and have fun doing it!). Very introspective, you can be silently critical of others. And your quiet nature makes it difficult for people to get to know you. You see yourself as a philosopher, and you take everything philosophically. Your main talent is expressing and communicating ideas. Souls you are most compatible with: Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

point proved

Due to the elections, I forced myself to keep most of my angst within me. Now that I have lost, I really don't have a reason to keep any of my this fucking feeling inside my goddamned chest. Fuck you world. Thus this dedication to my so-called "friends"

to all those who i listened to but never listened back

to all those who i gave my life to but never appreciated it

to all those who i helped and never even gave me a simple thank you

to everyone who has abandoned me

to everyone who has rejected me

to everyone who only drove me to depression

to everyone who hurt me

to everyone who insulted me

to everyone who has forsaken me

to everyone who never showed me any respect

to everyone who gave me hope just to kill my heart in the end

to those who i called friends but left me when i needed them the most

to my friends in need only when they needed me

to those who had the said they understood me when they never did

to those who told me i misunderstood the world when i was just being real

to everyone who gave me words of wisdom when i proved myself to be the wiser

to those i loved with all my being but left me hanging in belief just so i can hurt more in wait and hurt the same in rejection

to everyone

may you all burn in hell. My only regret would be my own inability to take you there myself

Some of the worse decisions in life...

A while ago. I watched a Filipino "feel-good" romantic movie with Anisah, Rich, Aira, and *strangely enough* Pete and RJ Panoy. We watched You Got Me, a Sam Milby film... Maybe it was because I wanted a small respite from my over-criticalness that I decided to watch something is intellectually degrading as a Sam Milby film, or maybe it was because I wanted to be nice to Anisah who has been inviting us to watch the movie for the past week extended... What the hell, it was half-subsidized anyway... Unfortunately, the movie was far from a moment's reprieve from the thinker within me... Filipino movies are just so questionable. Here are some points.

1. At the beginning of the movie, the father of the lead actress had several ominous points that pointed out that he didn't have much more to live, so in less than 20 mins, I figured out that he HAD to die to make the story work. Guess what? He did... and the audience was "shocked" by it...

2. Coconuts are supposed to be the fruit of life, right? So WHY THE F*CK DID IT HAD TO KILL THE FATHER!? I mean, dude! A police officer is lecturing a guy about seizing the day and he dies when he gets hit on the head by a coconut WHILE URINATING???? Of all the messed up ideas, THIS WAS THE SH*T!?

3. Like all movies of the genre (shallow Filipino), there will always be a combination of love, comedy, and action. This one took the popular plot of third party romances and gunfights. For an added twist, the film included some martial arts similar to the DOA movie... It *would* make sense that a police officer would know some kung fu, but I think it was a little to extreme to make a female watcher in a cybersex cafe have the same skills... or maybe it's just me.

4. Like most Filipino movies, there is little regard for enemy lives. Police Officers aren't supposed to shoot to kill, most especially if they're just having a raid (moreover on a cybersex cafe). And I don't think our PNP is capable of the bugging they perform during their operations. As far as I'm concerned, our PNP is just bash - through - front - door - declare - RAID - and - bring - actor - slash - politician types.

5. Of course the usual main male ends up with a relationship with main female occurs, enough clues was given through the process... predictable, very... Oh, and as usual, the best way to get rid of a winning third party is simple elimination. (at least they didn't kill him)

...I won't bother with the cheesy lines or the acts of romance... they aren't even worth my keystrokes...

the broken god

Today was yet another failed attempt to become more than human... I am but human is too much for me... I hated this humanity... this limit... this curse. The world I have been born into was too undemanding that I've become a slob of a human. And now, I am in this world... this messed up world where everyone is blinded and demands that I be something that I always wanted to become but could never be... complete... perfect...

When I gaze upon people, I feel that they look at me as something pathetic, a failure of a human, a failure of a life form, the excrement of excrements, a simple waste. I always find myself trying to prove humanity wrong by exceeding their expectations, becoming perfect, becoming omnipotent. But same as any who dare take God's throne, I fail.... and in an attempt to reach far beyond the par, I end up miles before it, and I realize I have even failed to be half as competent as I should be... but have I not tried hard enough, have I not given so much that I could at least know that I did my best? No... I want to be the best, what I have done must be the best and anything below par is just another waste, just another proof of my incapacity.

I am a failure... and no matter how I try, no matter what my reason... I can only be a failure. Because I am human, and those other humans can't even look at me as a human. I am nobody, bu a shadow of an existence... but a shred of broken pride... but a smear made by one who wanted perfection...

If I cannot be the cause of the world's smile, I can at least make sure I do not make it cry... If I cannot be loved, I should make sure there is nothing to regret... If hatred upon me can make satisfy the world, then let me be hated... If the world doesn't want my existence, the least I can do is try to be forgotten... for I make the impossible, possible... for I can carry the world upon my back... for I am immortal... but I am tired

exhume me from my grave

open house ended a while ago (or i think it did), people are still noisy outside. apparently the quasi-gay federation of WW1 decided to drag the videoke machine inside the corridor...and now after 5 days of 3 hr sleeps, i'd have to go a bit longer... this sucks...having to be a week of insomnia and constipation is making me feel sick...

met with dawn and marlon for the first time since a while, they were the coolest roommates... not only were they entertainingly quirky, they were usually not in the room and were quite liquid, so i used to get a lot of freebies from them... now wasn't any different. dawn and marlon decided to have a pull up match with food as bet. marlon won and dawn gave us a 100 peso bill to buy food with, but they ended up leaving the bill with me, unspent. happiness comes in these little unexpected cash recoveries...

i have been campaigning for a week now for office in jpia... i learned that i hated campaigning...but it was a bridge to be crossed if i wanted a chance to win... i hated the idea of using sweet words and promises to entice people to tick your name over abstain... i hated passing around stickers with my name printed on it... but i wanted the position, and i am willing to give a lot more than a little effort to do it. i have plans for my last year in the organization, and i want to be the one to make them happen.

stress levels have been amazingly high recently... my night attacks of strange uncomfortable feelings has returned. the worse part is, i can't tell anyone close to me about it since my stress is campaign based. so to relieve some of it, i type my worries to this blog...

i am afraid of the thought of losing to abstain... even if several people tell me i have a sure chance of winning, i cannot ignore the fact that some jpians don't like me (i am not actually the most congenial person in upjpia)... i am also getting some second thoughts about my decision... can i really pull off a year of servitude and dedication when i can hardly convince myself that i need to go to tomorrow's satskul graduation...the worst part about this stress is the facade... you need to pretend to be alright, strong even... meaning i cannot talk about my stresses to any jpian...

*sigh* lost my mood to type any further