remembering something

can't sleep...thoughts are bugging me....

it wasn't a year ago when my life changed...the usual depression i had vanished for a while, but when it returned, it was different, it was easier to handle. It was sometime December last year... I tried not to tell her, but eventually i did... i wanted to wait until things were better. Maybe somehow, i could save what i believed in and reserve what i wanted to say to make things better. But eventually i realized that there are some things that will never happen. I decided to let go of my little dream so another can live hers. as far as i know, my words became a catalyst...no... rather a reactant of change. (it had a bad by-product). Since then, i realized i was no longer afraid of changes... I knew i would be depressed but it would not last forever. I had to watch things I never wanted to see, listen to things i never wanted to hear, touch things i never wanted to feel. But that did make me stronger (emotionally)...

had i not done what i did... would things be different? i really don't have any regrets on what i did almost a year ago... i do wish i told her sooner... it could have saved a lot of people quite some pain...

...but why does this time feel so different from the last?...