day of losses

...done with my usual rant to God...the usual God you'd be smart to send me to hell because if you bring me to heaven I WILL KILL YOU! But that's done, picked up the rosary i tossed and asked for forgiveness, whether he has, i don't give a damn, though.
the day was fine, i was down for a while, thinking if i did the right thing when i told her... down a bit lower when she seemed to avoid me somewhat... but it wsan't that bad, she did talk to me. As I planned for whatever future events could bring, the little glimmers of hope, the shadows of failures...

FP brought more stress with impending deadlines.

Then a guy tried to pick my phone from my pocket during the jeep ride home. I felt it, so i placed my phone in my bag. And voila, he succeeded in picking my phone from my bag without me realizing. oh mental barrier, you are useless...oh prayer for a safe journey home, you were also useless. I'd rather be stabbed in the chest right now, at least i'd be unconscious.

And more, i cannot find my flash disk. Who knows maybe it became a thieves consolation prize. (I am officially fed up with pocket-sized technology)

Maybe i became to accustomed to depression. Not the feeling behind my eyes, not the wounds and bruises in my fists, not the emptiness in my heart, not the murderous intent i have right now...i'd probably kill myself before i get to cry...and now my fan is noisy...

on the side note, stabbed a mouse with a cutter...a while later, i found out my phone got lost. God was not kind enough to let event B occur first.