futility of it all

i can pretend as much as I want to, but that won't make me feel any better... i guess no matter what heppens, this depression which i felt for the first time in the first year of college (or so i think i did) will always echo. it's a really funny empty feeling in your chest, as though your heart is getting smaller by the second... then it affects you and everyone will eventually notice it. Pretending nothing is wrong is easy the first few hours, but when you realize that you've simply taken too much, you just break... i am not a machine, i do have a heart (even if it is small) and after several hits (which i would really have loved to avoid, but chose not to for the sake of another) you'd loose your will to pretend and just want it all to end. bluntness and insensitivity... i can pretend to have it but eventually... hopefully sleep would do me better than last night.

comedy of it all:
if you keep giving out pieces of yourself, you'll eventually run out for yourself.

to everyone, sorry for the day, just have something in mind