consequentiality

i decided to try a cigarette despite the fact that I was near stressless a while ago, my excuse was to stay awake so i can study, my reason was because i had cigarettes and wanted to try smoking some. so i did, and now my head feels weird and my chest is tighter than it should be (but at least my mind is clear).... my roommate who was impossible to wake up with alarms and kicks woke up because of the smell of smoke... i have no idea whether i should be sorry that i polluted his air and got him pissed or be happy that i got him pissed since i simply hate his presence, but i pretended to be sorry anyway. a while later the room's mirror broke while i was passing beside it... was it because God didn't like the idea of me smoking (read as me, smoking not me smoking as in my smoking), or because i hit it while i was passing (i didn't feel myself hitting it though) or my former roommate (the original owner) had an accident (knocking on wood).

regardless, after little thought about it, i do not want to smoke another cigarette in my life, and that comes from an objective and experienced view. smoking simply makes me feel weird in a bad and uncomfortable way (i mean physically uncomfortable, not guilt-stricken uncomfortable)... give a hoot, don't pollute. :)

broken faith

The daily slap on the face reality gives me is really starting to sting my heart...how my face got connected to heart is beyond my knowledge... No, seriously... I am really starting to hate this reality... being the least in a class of elites is something I never wanted to be... Somehow, just being the least of anything is very annoying for me and my construed pride... Knowing that you are somewhere beyond your tier, how you just lucky over and over again, how several others just tripped and gave up on their way to the same place that you are in, how you strove so hard just to be beaten up more... This is not the world I wanted, No... I do not want to be the only line of fiver in a room of niners. And right now, I am tired of threading any further, just tired of being pitied by those who are also pitiable... acknowledged as the least... unexpected to surpass... as purposeful as the maintenance crew who spend their times smoking in the fifth floor... and no one truly understands that I hate being useful in ways I do not want to... I did not pass 114 twice just so I can fix a f*cking LCD projector!

I am zero, and it's been hurting so much to be him that it becomes uncomfortable to be happy.

Thank God for bananas! (of all the fruits, why does this have to be the happiness inducing one? It gives way too many unwanted connotations, but it does lighten up the mood... Maybe I should have a banana split... mmm, chocolate, ice cream, and bananas in one...)

destiny

a while ago, i went to coop to buy some food, at the counter the people before me bought some cigarettes... i thought it was destiny's call for me to buy my own pack since i had a craving for some smoke since i messed up last night (yup, de-stressing is something i'm worth risking my life despite my affinity to lung diseases)..i decided to ignore the devil's sweet words, all i need is an apple to bring back the vitamins to my mind...

a while later, as i grabbed for the noodles in my bag of groceries, i felt a box...a box of marlboro lights... and as i stared at the 2x5x1 box, i thought what any person who was hungry would ask... did i pay for this?

noodles (no cook) roughly 21
noodles (regular) roughly 5
chips roughly 22
cheap chips roughly 12
canned milkfish roughly 25

rough total 80something
got change for a 100
unless the box was less than 10 pesos, i must have gotten it for free...

heh, life...