post #100

based on the post count you see when you converted to blogger beta, this is my 100th post (plus or minus error from deleting a few posts probable, but who cares)

am back at home, and my compensated older brother has become a big spender given the fact that he has a higher take home salary than my mom and spends near nothing for life necessities. So most of his income goes into various clothes, gadgets, and whatnots...at least i got a dvd-writer out of it. he has become so much easier to get along with ever since he finished school.

today i mark "lait aere" (i'd use the correct characters but the i couldn't find that e used in pokemon in the character map...but i did find this ۞... if it prints in the write font, you should see something that should be less probable in a character map) as my favorite chocolate flavor. and my failure with adjectives prevents me from imparting upon you the feelings i have for it (as usual)

also today, my family had a discussion on my sister's quasi-boyfriend, which then turned to TFI, career plans, and eventually their preference for my future wife. My mom wants someone Chinese (...and for some reason I'm feeling relieved...that shouldn't be too hard since majority of the earthen human population IS chinese...or Indian...or Filipino). My dad wants someone rich (which cuts me down to the upper 10% of the world population). I want someone smart so i wouldn't need to answer my kids' homework for them, (which cuts me down even further since majority of the human race is, in the nicest words i dare say, stupid)... OK, google search my life for someone like that and i have 1 result... scrap the smart girl, she just has to be rich and chinese... smart, rich, chinese girls are bound to be evil and manipulative of their husbands anyway.

Merry Christmas, last post of the year!

unplanning

recently, i've been stuck with the feeling that i'm spending my resources in things that would not result in anything good anytime in the future... like i'm just living the present presented upon me rather than molding it into a future i want to live... have i given up on all hope for a happy future? how long can it possibly be anyway? i'm a person destined to live a short life... and is that a reason enough to waste it? is that reason enough to live it to the fullest? would i care? would i be happier if i made something about my life? would it hurt to give a little more effort to actually accomplish something? is it just me or is it harder to read a paragraph if you don't capitalize the right letter? is it that hard to push the shift key to begin my sentences?

anyway... on another point of view, i may not be enjoying my present because i am giving too much attention to the future. the fact that i need a certain amount of passion, commitment and frequent coincidence to enjoy something means that i can't enjoy anything because most of the things that occur in my life lacks one or more of the preceding... things may hit hard...but they don't leave enough of a mark to be called "strong".

moreover...even people seem to be becoming of an even more shallow value than they used to have... there used to be people i can actually like or even actually care for. but recently they seem to be loosing value... as though they don't mean anything anymore, as though their purposes for me have expired and their existences are getting annoying. to add to that, even more people-who-i-simply-hate-naturally-and-would-i-would-be-happy-if-i-won't-see-them-again type people are appearing in front of me. generally speaking, i am containing more annoyed feelings more often than i ever used to.

*sigh* i think i'm starting to understand how villains are born and how they feel. is it really my fault that i'm this annoyed? did i have a choice?

i guess someone has to play the role of the silent antagonist anyway... look out world! i'm gonna start my plan of mass destruction as soon as i graduate!