reorganizing

met a bunch of "emancipated men" a while ago. they taught me the importance of balancing one's life. Don't let one area of your life take full control of your entirety. Balance should be kept between acads, org, and fun. What I like about them was that they were all successful. I mean, this was the first time i've ever ridden in a car with a sun roof. They even treated all 12 of us with dinner and beer. Capability...this was something i've always envied...whenever people had something that i didn't, or was able to do something i couldn't. I try to keep myself stoic, but it really isn't helping me much with my heart problems. I feel exhausted... I feel like giving up on everything that life has given. I am having a very bad death wish, and on a time when i needed someone to help me with my burden, everybody fails me.

i guess one way occurs in my life more than once at a time.

and when i needed a comfort zone, you failed me. maybe this is why cigarrettes where invented. (no, i don't smoke...) maybe i'll enjoy this new organizatiion more...