Dejavu

Home is something I gave up on 5 years ago...when I decided to go to UP for all the right justifications but all the wrong motives...but as the law goes, motives do not affect the validity of contracts...

Back then, it was either to stay where I was comfortable, where everything was provided, where my future was closer to certain vs. go where life is uncomfortable, everything has to be sought for and nothing is certain... My justice was that I'd find a better future there, but reality pointed into simply not letting "you" go in the unknown world alone... Eventually, though, we'd forget each other and I'd realize that it was all a mistake... but wasn't it this same mistake that led me to my new life in a place where I actually found people I might consider my "friends" in contrast to the life I had, where I was alone... I was cynical... I was trivial...

And here I am again, trapped in the same dilemma, in a different point of view... Stay where everything loses its certainty whereas return to the old life...where everything is where I want them to be... return to my shell, where I could rest peacefully...finally....

I may say that I want to stay for the sake of a better chance in the workplace... to be with friends... to be with a better hope... but I'd be telling you justifications...

My true motive still remains... an escape... and a question I keep asking myself is... "will I make the same mistake all over again?"

Escape vs. Escape... Why would I seek something when it can no longer be sought for? Why not be sad in a place where I can never be happy than sad in a place where there is a hope to be?

I am here now in a world where the people I hope to be with are people who have never really understood how important they are to me... and now I have a chance to escape, and I doubt I'd take it... for reasons beyond me

And my download is finally done. =)